"I have cancer." These are three words you may hear from a friend, family member or significant other. Learning that someone has cancer can be very overwhelming and scary.
You probably have some questions you want to ask, but are unsure how to talk to them or act around them. You want to be supportive and helpful but may not know the best way. You're not alone.
There is no script or handbook that can tell you exactly what to do. There is no perfect thing to do or say. But there are resources to help you be there for someone who has shared with you that they have cancer. To learn about their cancer and find tools to help you better understand how to care for them, you can visit the
Here are some other ways to show your support:
Check in Often
Cancer can often leave a person feeling lonely and isolated. By checking in often, you can bring them comfort and a welcome distraction. Laughter is the best medicine: Send them funny texts throughout the week, call them to chat briefly, and ask them when you can visit. Know that they may not be up for talking or for a visit. Still, just knowing you are there and thinking about them can make them feel loved and cared for.
If possible, plan your visit for a time when their caregiver needs to be out of the house. Being a caregiver is never easy and they can use all the support you can give.
Treat Them as Normally as Possible
Keep in mind that while your loved one has cancer, they aren't defined by it. Given all the doctor's visits and conversations with worried friends and family, they may want a break from talking and thinking about cancer. Stick to normal activities, whether that's inviting them to a movie, dinner or party. Let them decide if they are up for it or not.
Don’t Be Intrusive
Let your loved one decide how much they want to tell you about their diagnosis and illness. Don't press with intrusive questions. Avoid asking:
- What symptoms did the doctors say you can expect?
- What’s your prognosis?
That's not to say you should ignore their illness, but follow their lead. Let them know you're there to listen, but it's also fine if they'd rather not talk about it.
Offer to Help in Specific Ways
It's second nature to say, "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help," when someone you care about is going through a tough time. Your loved one may be too overwhelmed to think of ways you can help. Take away that burden by offering specific ways you can lend a hand. You might offer to:
- Shop for their groceries.
- Make a meal or organize a meal schedule with other friends and family members.
- Take them to doctor’s visits.
- Watch their kids or take them to and from school.
- Help with house cleaning, laundry, yard work or other chores.
Share Updates with Friends and Family Members
Chances are other members in your circle are just as anxious to find out how your loved one is doing. They may want to know what they can do to help. Ask if it's okay for you to be the "point-person" who lets friends, family and co-workers know when there is news. That way your loved one can rest and not worry about constantly updating the people they care about.
There are great online resources that can make updating loved ones and scheduling meals, visits and childcare easier. If you are looking for ways to digitally connect your loved one's support network, check out websites such as y
While each person and situation is unique, these suggestions offer good ideas about ways you can be there for your loved one. Don't worry too much about not saying or doing the right thing. As long as you are coming from a loving and genuine place, your concern and support will be valued.
Fuentes: , American Cancer Society, 2025; American Cancer Society, 2024; Cancer Research Institute, 2024